Love Relationships: Choose True Love from your Mind or Your Heart?

I used to wish that someone would just pick someone for me. I had a habit of picking the wrong type of love relationships. You know the type of people that treat you like crap, that cheat on you, that lie, that hide things from you, those type.  Logically you know it’s the wrong relationship for you but then why do you keep going back for more?  Because you say that you love them, because say they’re your true love.  Yet they’re the ones that keep your soul alive, the ones you cannot imagine life without. They’re the ones that when it’s good, it’s damn good but when it’s bad you stay up all night wishing you were out of the relationship.  They are the ones that keep you from functioning normally at work because you’re so engulfed with all the drama from the fight you had the night before and you’re constantly wondering if they’re cheating.

I was in a completely dysfunctional relationship for 3 years. I was deeply in love even though the signs kept telling me it was the wrong thing for me and really the wrong thing for both of us.  My friends got sick and tired of hearing me whine about how bad I was being treated and oh, all the drama!  They looked at me funny because this was not the Jeff Rivera that they knew: the one who had it together, who was confident and a good friend. I was not the same Jeff Rivera they knew.  Who was this person that had invaded their friend and allowed someone to make his life a living hell?
It was easy for them to judge. I couldn’t imagine ever leaving. I couldn’t imagine what life would be like without my true love.  Now, looking back almost 5 years later, I of course am very happy to be out of such a dysfunctional relationship that was damaging to my soul and sucked the creative juices out of my brain.

I’m telling you if you’re in a dysfunctional relationship and your boyfriend or girlfriend is not making a conscious effort to make it work then get the hell out!

In my novel, Forever My Lady, one of the main characters Jennifer deals with the same type of person who seems so wrong for her but she can’t let go because she feels too attached to him.  She wishes she could let him go. She knows logically that he’s not right for her but he’s her true love, he’s got to be. She’d feel guilty if she broke up with him. She is more worried about if he is going to be all right when maybe she should worry more about herself.  But what do you do when the person you want to break up with has known you since you were a little kid and has been there for you when no one else has?  And if you’re starting to fall for someone else, is that cheating?

HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU’RE MAKING THE RIGHT CHOICE IN THE FIRST PLACE?

Maya Angelo once said that “when people tell you who they are, believe them.”  More specifically, people tell you who you are the first time you meet them. 

I found that to be completely true. The red flags, now looking back, were there all along. I chose to ignore them in order “not to judge” them but when it comes to love, true love, you need to judge.
Ask yourself: Is this working for me or not? What are they showing me? Even when someone puts on their best face forward you usually can pick up red flags within 24 hours.  If you listen carefully they’ll tell you everything you need to know. And no, you are not the exception.  Listen to what they say when they talk about previous love relationships. Do they tell “little white lies”? Are they cheating? Do they tell you other people’s business and gossip?  Are they chronically late? Do they return calls when they say they’re going to? Are they truly listening to you or are they waiting to speak? Do they have a roving eye?

Listen and pay attention because as my friend author and private investigator, Laura Lanfield says, “It ain’t gonna get any better.”

Jeff Rivera is the author of Forever My Lady. For more information visit Amazon.com or www.JeffRivera.com.