Some …err, constructive (?) criticism

Around the same time I submitted my first 16 lines for flogging, I also submitted a paragraph of my query pitch to Jessica Faust's Pitch Critique on her BookEnds blog.  And she liked it! She really liked it! (I feel like Sally Field.)

Here is my pitch:

Historical Romance Tagline:
A discarded widow and a Duke discover if love can survive scandal and betrayal.

Paragraph:
Michael Ashton, the Duke of Ravensdale, is caught in two scandals, neither of which is his own doing. The first involves a woman (don’t they always), and the second…well, it also involves a woman and a large sum of stolen money. In order to save the reputation Michael has spent his life rebuilding, he must track down the widow of his presumed-dead cousin in order to charm…or seduce her missing husband's whereabouts from her.

And Jessica's comments:
I like this. I think your tagline, while not all that different from others, has that certain something. To be honest, it’s the word “discarded”—what an interesting choice—and it says a lot about what we can expect from your heroine. And the paragraph is great. I love the tone of this and anticipate fun reading in the book. This is a case where the plot isn’t necessarily all that unique from other historical romances (they usually aren’t), but the author has put some fun twists in her tone, voice, and word choice that make this interesting to the reader. I would definitely request this.

Yeah for me!    So I ran through my query letter and sent it off later that same day, hoping to turn her "I would definitely request this" into an actual request!

However, on that same note, in the comments section, an anonymous poster tore apart my pitch and writing skills. It was a decidedly nasty tone (in my admittedly biased opinion) and almost came across as insulting – not only to me, but to Jessica for daring to like it.  I realized it was my first taste of the world of reviews and dealing with those who hate your work (for whatever reason).

Here is the comment:

The pitch for Jeannie's novel that you praised misused language several places in a way that would have led me to expect it was poorly written.

"Discover if" should be "discover whether" but the word "discover" isn't really the right choice for
what the author is trying to say.

"In order to save the reputation Michael has spent his life rebuilding, he must track down the widow of his presumed-dead cousin in order to charm…or seduce her missing husband's whereabouts from her."

"In order" is used twice here in one sentence which also starts out very clumsily.

Criticism can be very constructive, and I welcome it.  Depending on the tone it's offered in makes a lot of difference as to how much weight it carries.  I read this person as not so much looking to help or learn, but more to insult and demean.  Perhaps that's just my admittedly personal and biased take.

The part that is interesting to me is there may have been grammatical truth to Anon's words.  "Whether" is the proper choice for that sentence.  And perhaps my last sentence could have used a little more variety.  And yet, I've received two requests for more and a green light from Jessica (with hope for a third request) on that very pitch.

It just goes to show how subjective this work is…from who likes it, who doesn't and what you take away from that.  Perhaps if I'd made every sentence grammatically perfect, the voice Jessica liked would have been diluted. 

If you've had interesting situations develop with criticism for your work, let me know in the comments.