A few weeks ago it was all the rage that Kirsten Dunst was being ridiculed for her beliefs that traditional values have…well, value.
Isn’t the very nature of feminism having a choice to do what you want, be who you want and have all of those options available to you? In no way did I see Kirsten Dunst stating that should never happen. She was advocating for traditional roles as having value, not as being the ONLY ones with value. This is a very big distinction. No where in her comments was it suggested that her way was the only appropriate way. However, in many of the responses to her comments, I’ve seen incredible judgment and one-sided opinions. And as Dunst’s opinions didn’t match, she’s being called “dumb” and insulted that her beliefs have no place around young girls.
How is that, in any way whatsoever, honoring the freedom of choice and selection for women? How is that response in any way suggesting that women do have a choice to be whatever, whomever they want?
It’s not.
Jezebel.com slammed her comments as “stupid.” And I found the utmost irony in their commentary on her commentary. Shouldn’t Kirsten have the right to decide what feminism means for her, to her? It’s how she views the world, and frankly, that’s all any of us can share. How WE view the world, because we certainly aren’t experts on living in someone else’s shoes and seeing things through their unique experience-based, childhood-trauma glasses.
Kirsten said: “I feel like the feminine has been a little undervalued. We all have to get our own jobs and make our own money, but staying at home, nurturing, being the mother, cooking – it’s a valuable thing my mum created. And sometimes, you need your knight in shining armour. I’m sorry. You need a man to be a man and a woman to be a woman. That’s why relationships work…”
They said: “That’s why relationships work. We’ve been doing it wrong all along.”
The sarcasm isn’t implied, it’s in neon. But here’s the funny thing. Our divorce rate is nothing to suggest that we’ve gotten marriage “right” in the last century. So who’s to say what’s wrong or right here?
But no matter what feminism looks like to you, no matter how you choose to express being a woman, there should never be a time when you’re insulted for those choices. Ultimately, it should be able to mean what we want it to. You can be feminine and wear frilly dresses. You can be feminine and wear jeans and boots. I climbed trees and jumped in ponds as a kid, and yet I never identified as a tomboy. I wore dresses, too. You can be a feminist and make your husband dinner every night. You can be a feminist and never cook a day in your life.
Everyone is, of course, welcome to disagree with me. I believe everyone has the right to how they view the world, the right to their beliefs, to exercising their free speech rights in this country. I also believe that insulting someone because they see the world differently than you is counterproductive. It certainly does nothing to honor the work that women in our history have done to ensure that women today have all the choices before them… ALL the choices. Even the ones others might not agree with.
In my opinion, femininity is a state of mind. Not a specific set of rules to adhere to.