What about the friends?

We talk a lot here about happy endings and romance. (See blog title.)  But there are other elements in books and life that are just as important…ones I always enjoy reading about.  And some of my favorite books have secondary stories or relationships that make me love it just as much as the main story and romance.

I’m talking about friends.  Friends in books.  Books about friends.  Friendship. In my book SOMETHING ABOUT HER, I gave both my hero and my heroine a friend. I loved writing those scenes — where Michael, the hero, interacts with his best bud, and the scenes where Blythe, the heroine, is teased by her closest friend about the hunky Duke.  The emotions that only exist between friends is just as strong and powerful as any romance. Sometimes, even stronger.

Recently, I read an article that talks about friendships – women’s friendships in particular.  In fact, it talks about the biology of women and how in times of stress, women turn to other women for friendship, bonding and stress reduction.  This isn’t just a desire, it’s possibility a biological fact.

The article states that “researchers suspect that women have a larger behavioral repertoire than just fight or flight. In fact, says Dr.Klein, it seems that when the hormone oxytocin is released, as part of the stress responses in a woman, it buffers the fight or flight response and encourages her to tend to children and gather with other women instead. When she actually engages in this tending or befriending, studies suggest that more oxytocin is released, which further counters stress and produces a calming effect.

This calming response does not occur in men, says Dr. Klein, because testosterone — which men produce in high levels when they’re under stress — seems to reduce the effects of oxytocin. Estrogen, she adds, seems to enhance it.”

In another part of the article,  they cite: ” The famed Nurses’ Health Study from Harvard Medical School found that the more friends women had, the less likely they were to develop physical impairments as they aged, and the more likely they were to be leading a joyful life. In fact, the results were so significant, the researchers concluded, that not having close friends or confidantes was as detrimental to your health as smoking or carrying extra weight!”

For a writer, what does this mean to us? We spend so much time as a romance writer developing the tension and chemistry between our heroes and heroines. Are we working as hard to create a friendship as well?  Not just between them, but for your heroine? Do you give your heroines a friend in her book, someone to confide in, to relieve stress?   I would think that especially in light of this study, the lack of a solid friendship in your heroine’s life would create an entirely different character than a woman with a close “best” friend.

Yesterday, I spent a much needed day with my best friend. We met in Napa, did a little champagne tasting, had lunch…had a wonderful day, and by the time our day was through and I was on my way home, I felt physically different.  Relaxed, more capable of dealing with the stresses of the day.

So here is to women across the globe, and the friendships we offer each other.  And as writers, I challenge you to consider your heroine and how adding a friendship into your story — however small a part it plays– might enhance the character of your heroine.