Finding the Balance

I took an impromptu, unplanned vacation over the holidays and spent those weeks with my hubby and our son. Like most folks, my husband and I have made choices and compromises in order to raise our son the way we want him raised…and in the process, life gets hectic and busy.  I had things to do, plenty to focus on, but when my husband started his vacation — a full two weeks at home with no work and complete focus on giving himself some much-earned rest, I realized this time was too precious to do anything but be with him.

It seems like we're forever looking for that perfect balance.  Balance between children and your husband.  Balance between work and home.  Balance between dust bunnies and the ten million other chores you almost never have time for.  Friends.  Family.  And for me (and probably you), finding time to write and edit what you've written, promote what has already been published and… well, you can see how everything seems to be just another ball in the air to juggle. 

For a long time, I tried to find the magic number to create the perfect balance.  If I just organized myself enough, or planned things out better, or did this or that…It was stressful and almost more exhausting than constantly trying to keep all the balls in the air. 

And it taught me something very, very important.  There is no magic number.  There is no perfect setting for that perfect balance in which all the planets align and the stars magically appear, because what makes up the perfect balance today isn't going to be the same tomorrow.  Something else will pop up or fade away, or leap above in levels of importance. 

As writers, we constantly have to fight for the time to write, to edit, to research, submit and do it all again with the next book.  We struggle to find ways to fit it into our schedules, to work around family and job commitments.  And I believe that my success — or lack thereof– is my own responsibility.  I'm not a victim of life.  Sure, it gets in the way sometimes and doesn't leave me the time to do what I want or need to do.  But ultimately, these are choices I make.  

I made the choice to drop everything in my world for my family.  Did I have work to do? Oh yeah.  Do I have writing? You bet.  I have a To Do list that seems to feed off the dust bunnies in my house.  (And since dust bunnies aren't actually on my To Do list…yes, you can see the scary potential here.) But when I chose to set all of those things aside to focus on a priority, I was okay with that.  It was what I needed to do to bring back some balance in my life. 

Balance is about harmony.  It's about making choices, being selective and realizing that I am in control (even when I'm not.)  Sometimes that means pretending…it means finding a way to harness in that uncontrollable feeling just long enough to get past it. (The old saying, Fake it until you feel it?)

So, how do you get in control when you feel like you have none?  Here are a few things that work for me: 

Know What I'm Working With
I can't make choices until I know what I have to work with.  I'm a list person, so I start by making a list of everything I need to do, want to do and hope to do (that dust-bunny fed To Do List) – this covers ALL walks of my world, from personal to business.  This may sound stressful to some of you, so if lists aren't your thing, you can easily find another way.  For me, getting it all on paper eases my mind.  It's comforting. I know it will be there whenever I get stressed again, something that gives me a sense of control. 

Learning to Say No
It is very easy to over-extend and I'm guilty of doing that often.  I sat down one day and figured out my time limits…what I could feasibly offer any given week.  What days I would offer to which aspects of my world.  Putting it in numbers made it much more real and accessible to say no when I need to.

Choosing A Focus
When juggling so many things, it's important to place focus on the most immediate needs. As an example,  if a promotional ad isn't due until April, but I have something else due in two weeks? I need to focus on what is coming up and put aside the other items until they need to become a priority.  

Make Public Commitments
Being held accountable by someone else always helps.  It actually gives me permission to focus on what I need to focus on, because now someone else knows my goals. 

Take Time To Breathe
It's also about giving myself permission…to not always get it right, to change things as needed, to lighten up a little.  Sometimes just to take a minute, go get a cup of coffee and step away.  I'm always amazed at how much a break can help at times.

You can find the ways that get you back on track — what works for you may be different.  But know what they are.  Write them down.  And any time you feel that the balance is slipping from your life, pull that paper out and walk through it, step by step, until you feel calm again. 

Or if that fails, just go on vacation.  It worked for me. 🙂

Jeannie Ruesch
http://www.jeannieruesch.com

SOMETHING ABOUT HER
Available April 10, 2009 by The Wild Rose Press

~ "A wonderful debut!" ~NYTimes bestselling author Gaelen Foley