Oy with the Poodles Already —Gilmore Girls to Netflix!

#Gilmore Girls is coming to #Netflix!  This should not excite me…because I own every single season on DVD.  I’ve worn out the DVDs from watching (I’m currently in Rewatch Phase 23, Season 3.  Christopher just went back to Scary Sherry to be a stand up guy and Rory kissed Jess.)  But nonetheless, I’m excited that I can now watch Gilmore Girls wherever I go.  I know, it’s a sickness.  Here’s the article, so you can be a junkie, too.

What do I love so much about this show? So, so, so many things.  As a writer, it’s near impossible for me to watch TV without analyzing, without judging, without envying, without offering sacrifices to the gods of great TV when appropriate.  Gilmore Girls is one of those such shows.  It contains one of my all-time favorite TV couples to start, but the #dialogue on this show is some of the wittiest, most fun, entertaining dialogue I’ve ever watched.   And a little tidbit about the show — because there was such rapid fire dialogue in this show, the scripts were twice as long as a normal script for a show of the same length.  The Gilmore Girls and their crowd had a lot to say.

Here’s some classic dialogue exchanges from the show and if you read carefully enough (or just skim really fast), you can learn some pretty amazing Gilmore Girls life lessons. And when reading this, you must speak as fast as you can — Gilmore Girl style.

On Coffee

Max: Do you like coffee?
Lorelai: Only with my oxygen.

On Lipstick

Emily: Oh, well, thank you. That’s a pretty color. What is that?
Lorelai: It’s called Vicious Trollop.
Emily: Oh, stop it! Now why would you name a lipstick something like that?
Lorelai: ‘Cause ‘dirty whore’ was taken?
Emily: You frighten me.

On Gift Giving

Lane: You have to look at what a gift says to the other person, not to you. Remember two years ago, I got my mom that perfume?
Rory: Yeah.
Lane: Okay, to me that said, “Hey Mom, you work hard, you deserve something fancy”. Now to my mother, it said, “Hey Mom, here’s some smelly sex juice, the kind I use to lure boys with”, and resulted in me being sent to Bible camp all summer.

On Being Pretty

Lorelai: You have to sleep. It’s what keeps you pretty.

Rory: Who cares if I’m pretty if I fail my finals?

Lorelai: O-kay. You’ve got this so completely backwards.

On Sex

Lane: Sex? Is it great?

Rory: Not in front of the books, Lane.

On Poodles

Lorelai: Huh. You know what I just realized? Oy is the funniest word in the entire world.
Rory: Huh.
Lorelai:I mean, think about it. You never hear the word oy and not smile. Impossible. Funny, funny word.
Emily: Oh, dear God.
Lorelai: Poodle is another funny word.
Emily: Please drink your drink, Lorelai.
Lorelai: In fact, if you put oy and poodle together in the same sentence, you’d have a great new catch phrase, you know? Like, oy with the poodles already. So from now on, when the perfect circumstances arise, we will use our favorite new catch phrase.
Rory: Oy with the poodles already.
Lorelai: I’m telling you, it’s knocking ‘whatcha talking ‘bout, Willis?’ right out of first place.
Emily: Lorelai, for God’s sake, be quiet.

On Serious Paper

Rory: I’m going to a serious school now, I need serious paper.

Lorelai: Paper’s paper.

Rory: Not at Chilton.

Lorelai: Alright, fine. Here is your serious paper.

Rory: Thank you.

Lorelai: Ooh and here are your somber highlighters, your maudlin pencils, your manic-depressive pens.

Rory: Mom.

Lorelai: Now these erasers are on lithium so they may seem cheerful but we actually caught them trying to shove themselves in the pencil sharpener earlier.

Rory: I’m going home now.

Lorelai: No, wait! We’re going to stage an intervention with the neon post-its and make them give up their wacky crazy ways.

One of my favorites:

Lorelai: Its repetitive.

Rory: And redundant.

Lorelai: Its repetitive.

Rory: And redundant!

Lorelai: We certainly are entertaining, Mac!

Rory: Indubitably, Tosh.

Moving

Lorelai: Alright, we’re gonna have to move.

Rory: Okay.

Lorelai: Take off in the middle of the night, leave everything behind, assume different identities. I’ll join a local community theater and I’ll drive you to soccer. It’ll work for many years until the FBI comes to get me, and by that time, you’re on your own.

Rory: I don’t play soccer.

Lorelai: You do now.

The Pretty Spinster

Lorelai: And apparently, now that I’m the pretty spinster living all alone, he’s concerned for my safety.

Rory: Did he tell you all this?

Lorelai: Do you think I labeled myself the pretty spinster?

On Crazy Relatives

Rory: Grandma’s still hitting you with the postcards, huh?

Lorelai: As if nothing even remotely unpleasant happened between us. How does she do that? Compartmentalize like that. It’s weird. She’s the serial killer who goes to work and talks about a funny “Seinfeld” he saw and then goes home and cooks himself a man-flesh sandwich.

Rory: Eww.

Lorelai: [Reading postcard from Temple of Apollo] Let’s see how her trip has been since her last card. “Dear Lorelai, kicked a dog, then punched a gypsy in the groin.” Oh, that’s nice.

Lorelai: Cheeseburger, onion rings, and a list of people who killed their parents and got away with it. I’m looking for heroes.

Emily: As a child, your mother had an unusually large head.

Lorelai: The best thing about it was that she would tell me — constantly. My first complete sentence was, “Big Head want dolly.”

Lorelai: Well, we like our Internet slow, okay? We can turn it on, walk around, dance, make a sandwich. With DSL, there’s no dancing, no walking, and we’d starve. It’d be all work and no play. Have you not seen “The Shining,” Mom?

Emily: You have a lot of experience with men. How do you let them know that you’re available?

Lorelai: Well, one of those bench ads usually does the trick.

Emily: Lorelai, stop it. I need help here. It’s been years since I did this and I don’t remember the proper procedure. Now take me through this step by step. You see a man, you walk up to him, and you say?

Lorelai: “Hello.”

Emily: Is that too forward?

Lorelai: No, it’s the appropriate way to indicate you’re open to a social engagement. Unless, however, you are approaching a weasel. Then I believe the proper signal is just to offer him your hindquarters.

On God

Emily: You were on the phone?

Richard: Long distance.

Lorelai: God?

Richard: London.

Lorelai: God lives in London?

Richard: My mother lives in London.

Lorelai: Your mother is God?

Richard: Lorelai…

Lorelai: So, God *is* a woman.

Richard: Lorelai.

Lorelai: *And* a relative. That’s so cool. I’m gonna totally ask for favors.

Richard: Make her stop.

Rory: Oh, that I could