This Growing Up Thing

by Jeannie Ruesch

2012 comes to a close and with it, some pretty big changes in my life — but both changes I believe stemmed from the same thing, and I’ve decided that 2013 is going to be the year to celebrate. You see, in 2012, I met two very great goals: I was offered a contract for my next book, a historical romantic suspense and I lost 30 pounds (along with my hubby who also lost 30 pounds!) You might be wondering how those two things stem from the same thing — especially considering writing a book means sitting with my butt in chair at a computer and losing 30 pounds means the opposite. But I believe these goals were met this year because of a fundamental change in myself — and that’s what I want to share, because I think it matters.

That change? Acceptance.

It sounds easy. It sounds cliche. It sounds like exactly what you hear everyone say, but for me, it was transformative. In order to lose weight and be healthy, I had to accept who I was at the weight I was and be okay with that. And I believe that this book sold because I allowed myself to write down a path that I wanted to go, but wasn’t sure would be accepted if I did.  It was.

The last few years have been a process in learning how to be true to myself. My husband and I marked our eighth wedding anniversary (and our 10th year together), my son’s sixth birthday. I have discovered that it’s not in spite of those things but because of them, that I found the way to begin realizing that I’m okay, with my good qualities and my bad. (And yes, even writing that makes me nervous.) The good — I’m creative, I love fiercely — and the bad — I hate just about anything domestic and (just ask my husband) housekeeping is not my strong suit. Marriage is transforming. Becoming a mother is transforming. Becoming a published author is transforming. Life has sent me a lot of hills to climb up, slide down and crash and burn over at times — but wow, when you get to the other side, it’s pretty incredible what you can look back and see. It’s not 20/20 hindsight, it’s the realization that all those mistakes, all those bad choices were a part of growing up. Accepting ourselves is part of growing up. And I’m still growing up.

So this year, 2013, I’ll be sharing my growing pains as I work toward a new published book, toward my weight goals, and toward — well, even just my appreciation of soap operas. If you don’t like it, you can skip it. It’s scary — accepting myself means displaying it all for you to see. To judge. But it also means that I’m finally at a place where being ME isn’t about only showing a supposed perfect representation of what I think you — the mysterious, whomever “you” are — wants to see.

None of this is to say that losing the weight or writing a book a publisher would want was simple — far from it.  Acceptance only takes you as far as your hard work is willing to push.  And I had tools to use, programs to follow (of which I’ll share as I go through this) — but ultimately, I had to accept the potential that I might just stay exactly who I was — heavier than I should be and still refining my craft to get my second book published.   It’s really about letting go, I think.

Stay tuned for the path of 2013…I’m sure it will have plenty of ups and downs as well, but I’m looking forward to them. How about you?

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